I’ve built this site, thought out the goals and the logic of this whole thing, and have left myself no choice but to actually create something. This is deeply unfortunate. I’d prefer to do nothing at all. Doing nothing is fantastic. It comes highly recommended. I try doing nothing all the time, but I’m pretty bad at it.
My understanding is that you just sit there, content, doing as much nothing as you can, gliding through the seconds like a cartoon hippie, vibing to the rhythm of your own, presumably very chill, drum. These drums are bongos. Bongo people can relax at an advanced level. It might be something biological, like being left-handed. Bongo people have a gift for relaxation. I envy this ability like I envy people who can play basketball. It looks fun, but I can’t even approach competence at it, despite my best efforts.
No, I’m a snare drum, intense even at low volumes. It’s as much an immutable fact about me as my curly hair, or being gay, or being five feet eight inches tall. I wake up every day loaded with static electricity. It’s like someone sneaks into my brain while I’m sleeping and rubs a balloon on the walls. Potential energy is everywhere, and I have a hard time relaxing for the day until I’ve made it kinetic.
This isn’t a low key brag. It’s not like I’m energized or inspired or even motivated. This isn’t cute or charming or really even anything to be particularly proud of. It’s more like wanting a cigarette. There is a gap that asks to be filled, and I can either fill it, or spend my time thinking about filling it. Doing nothing has to wait until after. I am driven to be creative. I’d prefer not to be, but I was creative for a few weeks in highschool and got addicted to it, so it is what it is. 30 years later, and I’m still a pack-a-day creative person.
That brings me to this website. This exists for the singular purpose of providing an outlet for that energy, so I can get back to watching TV and surfing my phone in something resembling contentment. This isn’t an artistic endeavor so much as an ashtray. Spent creativity has to go somewhere, and I picked this.